a little poem for my Tuesday morning

I'm in the publishing mood.... I wrote this poem a few months ago about one of my best friends, Jesse, who died when we were little (3rd grade). Sort of written from the perspective of my third grade self.

Our third grade
Jesse, do you have hair now, or will you be bald forever?
Do you sit on God's lap and sing
I am Jesus Little Lamb
like I imagine?

Jesse, I remember swinging through the tanbark playground,
pretending we were knights.
I was Ivanhoe and you were Wamba the jester, sometimes King Richard,
the lion-hearted.
My pet was a mountain lion, and yours was an octopus, 
which you put on our heads to make us squeal.

Then you came to school on crutches, bundled in layers in a California
fall. Jesse, do you still need blankets in heaven or does God
keep it just the right temperature?

I always knew you were closer to heaven than us,
none of my other friends were bald.
Your blue eyes grew deeper and darker, like a turtle shrinking
into its shell, and your skin
became white and clear with purple spaghetti veins.
Jesse's going to be with Jesus soon,
Mama told me, over
and over, but I knew. 
We both knew, Jesse and I. 
I am Jesus Little Lamb 
he sang, bundled on the couch on his last 
good day. Little lamb. 

That night the phone rang and mama answered, but I already 
knew. Hallelujah.
But mama just sat at the table and cried over her papers, rubbing
her eyes underneath her glasses.
Mama, don't cry. You are the one
who told me not to cry when it happened. 
I thought this was what we wanted. I thought 
we wanted Jesse to be with Jesus.
Why are you crying?

Jesse, I tried to cry like everyone else. I hope you won't be mad at me 
when I tell you I couldn't find any
tears to give you. 
Even though we'd never play the 
make-Mitchell-smell-Jesse's-tuna-sandwich game 
again, I was happy
because you were happy, little lamb.

Sometimes I imagine your invisible octopus friend is sitting on my head, and I 
think that in heaven, you are playing our games with the angels. 

I guess I miss some things

Yes, yes, I know. My semester here is quickly coming to an end. But please, I'm sort of in denial here, so let's pretend I still have a lot of time here in Winchester.

But while I wait for The Office to download so I can watch the latest episode, I think I'll make a list of some of the stuff I do miss about good old Wisconsin. I'm not going to include my family, my friends, my church, MY CAT, etc, because that's automatic... sort of on a different level. Here are the little things I miss that make me not so sad to leave England:

1. Vault Zero. Mmmm, the refreshing taste with a lovely caffeine kick. I've been having to drink Diet Coke way too much lately.
2. Family Video. Oh how I miss hopping in my mini-van and cruising down the street to Family Video at 11:30 pm to rent some $1 movies for the night. It's been really tricky to watch movies here, since the only place we can really rent them is the limited selection at the campus library.
3. The fact that things are open late. There is something comforting (yet semi-disturbing) about the fact that at any time in Eau Claire, I could buy food. Or go shopping. Or whatever. Here, most stores close at about 6 and the only place in town that serves food after 11:30 pm is the kebab shop out by the train station (heh I was just there last night, delicious chips and cheese).
4. Taco Bell. Or Burrachos. Or Chipotle. Basically, I've had no Mexican food since I arrived. Sadness.
5. Sharing a bathroom with only one other person (Emily) instead of sharing one toilet with about 6.
6. Being able to wear sweatpants outside of my dorm room without feeling well awkward and stared at. I wonder what would happen if I went into town here in my pajamas.... scandalous.