Yesterday I was listening to a sermon I had downloaded to my iPod while cleaning my room. It was given by a man named Matt Chandler from the Village Church in Texas, near Dallas. In the final movement of his sermon, he asked the congregation if he could just say something--just rant for a moment. And he said this (or something like this):
"Women, how many more bible studies are we going to do? Can we maybe run some of the plays, instead of just studying them?
Men, how much you gonna study before you gonna play?
Everybody can talk it; nobody wants to engage anybody with it.... at least very few of us do. WHY?"
And these sentences, so simply and bluntly put, cut me to the heart. How many circles have I sat in and spoken about the call to mission work? How many times have I discussed prayer, and confessing to one another, and being open with one another? How many times have I spoken about how to live and how to teach others about Christ? And yet when have I actually put ANY of this into practice? Let me tell you I felt humbled and ashamed.
I encourage you. Go to iTunes. Go to the Village Church sermon podcast. Download the free sermon called "The Great Cause (Part 1): The Call to Mission," and if nothing else, listen to the last few minutes.
And it got me thinking about something I've been thinking about for some time now. My church here in Eau Claire, Messiah Lutheran, is calling a new pastor. Ever since we started calling, I've been trying to think about what I would tell someone considering the call to Eau Claire. What is Messiah Lutheran like? What type of shepherd does Messiah Lutheran need? What do the believers here need? And I think that in a few sentences this sermon put into words everything I've been feeling.
I think Messiah needs to be woken up. Woken up to the reality that the we are PHARISEES depending far too greatly on our superior knowledge of God's Word to preserve us. And just like the pharisees, we consider ourselves better than others--more pure than other Christians. Well you know what, we may have the knowledge, but we aren't doing much with it. Just like in that sermon above, how long will we study before we actually put that knowledge into play?
I realize that just because I am weak it doesn't mean that everyone is. I'm not saying that every single person at my church is falling into this trap. I'm sure there are those that are DOING things according to their faith and by the grace of God. I must just be missing it. And regardless, no one is perfect. Everyone can use a little (or a lot of) Law in their lives. Part of me doesn't want to offend, but then the rest of me thinks maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if I ruffled some feathers.
We need to be looked straight in the eye and hear "How many times will we continue to meet before we actually DO what we talk about?
How many times will the women of this congregation gather for Bible studies and meetings before they are ready to DO what they talk about?
How many times will the men of this congregation meet in Bible studies and meetings before they are ready to DO what they discuss?
How long will we hide behind our busy schedules? We put all our focus into serving a role on a committee but we don't know how to talk to one another about Christ.
Serving the church, whether through attending meetings or baking cookies, is all well and good. But how long before we turn to the Christian next to us and attend to their SPIRITUAL needs? How long before we admit to ourselves and to one another I AM BROKEN, I NEED CHRIST?
How long before we will PRAY with one another outside of church and outside of meal time? How long before we can CONFESS to one another? How long before we can WITNESS to one another? How long before we can ADMONISH one another? How long before we can step out of this church and DO the mission work we spend so many hours talking about?"
Almost every morning for the last few mornings I have started my day with the same song--"I'm Not Alright" by Sanctus Real. The chorus simply cries out, "I'm not alright. I'm broken inside, broken inside... That's why I need you." It is heartfelt and honest and genuine and it just makes me want to drop to my knees and cry out with the singer, "I'M NOT ALRIGHT!"
I don't know if this random jumble of thoughts makes any sense to anyone other than me, but somehow this describes what this young and naive young woman thinks her church needs (or at least what I need?). We need Christ (duh). We need to be humbled. We need a sense of urgency. We need honesty. We need a pastor who will say the uncomfortable things, that will be blunt and tell us what we need to hear and not what we want to hear... Someone that will help us CONFESS our sins to one another instead of doing our very best to hide them. Church should be the one place above all others that we can unload our burdens and admit our brokenness and wretchedness and be comforted and forgiven. But instead, it feels more like a beauty pageant where each week I get better and better at hiding the flaws.
And maybe I'm way off. Maybe this doesn't reflect anyone else. Anybody out there reading this--do I assume wrongly? Am I speaking out of place? I guess I can't and shouldn't speak for the whole church, but I can speak for myself when I say this:
I just need someone to look at me and ask me, "Danielle, what are YOU doing for the kingdom?" Because right now I don't have an answer for that question.
I'm just getting by, hoping no one will look to closely or ask me, so I can continue praising God with my words without actually having to DO anything.
God help me.
"Faith without deeds is dead." James 2:26
4 comments:
I'm glad you posted this. I think it's good to speak your mind- and you do so in a humble way. I totally agree. A huge part of christian fellowship is joining together and being vulnerable- creating and nurturing a safe environment to openly share in struggles and brokenness. It is so good that you long for this. It is hard and uncomfortable to get out of our comfort zone to spread the word- it's even harder when we feel uncomfortable sharing with our own christian brothers and sisters. Being convicted and feeling lousy about ourselves doesn't feel good- but it is necessary. I had some really, really low points in the last few months. I haven't felt that way before- but God's grace is so amazing. I am seeing a true outpouring of his love. God's love is amazing- when people cry out to him and long for these things, he is faithful. I will pray for an honest pastor and for boldness to say the things that need to be said. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for putting this out there. I can tell you honestly that you are not the only one struggling with this and I know the frustration and desperation that comes with those feelings.
But God is good. And he is gracious. And I can see how He is tugging at your heart. And He won't leave you hanging. Whether it's through the new pastor at Messiah, a group of close friends, or in some way you would have never expected, God will give you opportunity to serve him. To live for Him.
TJ and I love you and will be praying for you.
Danielle, It takes great courage and love to say what you said. I hope you never apologize for it.
I reflect on my own similar thoughts, but my different calling and even behavior. I am thankful, so much, for God using you to reach out to this body of believers. Every church needs it-- even if it fails to recognize it.
You are in my thoughts and prayers!
It is interesting to see CLCers come to their own. I think many of us are growing to the point where we can see that the CLC teaches truth and its wonderful that we have been brought up in this but...are we living it? Do they allow us to? Any organizations that we want to get involved in, that are getting out there, and are living how Christ wants us to live are banned. The church claims that this is a "fellowship" issue. I think they may be confused on how that very word can help us grow in our faith. It doesn't have to be big and scary. The refreshing news is there are many other churches out there that do get it. Your in my prayers.
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